I find myself spending alot of time in grocery stores. I was in one yesterday. That would be Thursday, August 25 2011. The place was a madhouse. People were at the door waiting to get in at 6 in the morning so that they may be first to get their "in case of emergency" supplies. A little crazy or perhaps very responsible. From then on it was a non-stop barrage of frantic panicked consumers needing to get their hands on anything and everything to ensure they could survive the next 3 years cut off from society. They would not stop coming. By 11 am I had to ask myself what the fuck? Am I the only one that has to work on a Thursday? It was the busiest day I've seen since the week of Christmas . In fact, Hurricane Irene surpassed all holiday sales I've seen to date.
Now it's Friday. Second wave. God help me. They're back. Apparently there's a whole other part of the community that don't have to work on Friday's. Man did I choose the wrong fucking profession. Today it was like the world was coming to it's end. Again, the moment the doors opened customers were overloading their carts with every perishable item they could grab...
...and that's my "what the fuck?" moment.
Dude. Let's all pretend were rational human beings for a second. A hurricane is on it's way.
Worst-Case Scenario: You die.
Ok, that sucks and probably ain't gonna happen anyway so relax.
More likely scenarios are thus:
You lose power
Your basement gets flooded
Windows get blown in
Lawn furniture blows away
Tree falls on your car (I dread that one!)
Your newborn gets torn from your arms, hits
the pavement face first and is sucked down a
sewer drain in a swirling pool of blood and
garbage never to be seen again.
That's pretty fucked up and I apologize.
Back to my "what the fuck?" moment. Losing power is the most likely, if not the number 1 scenario in this situation. So why the hell would anyone be stocking up on PERISHABLE anything?!?! What are you going to do with the 10 pounds of deli meats you just purchased when your refrigerator don't work. What about the 3 gallons of milk you bought? Do you plan on playing the "Let's see who can drink a gallon of milk in an hour and not puke" game. Don't forget the 5 bags of ice you bought. What good is that going to do? It's ice asshole. It melts. What can you possibly keep cold on 5 bags of ice for any extended period of time that will save you from death? How much shit are you really gonna fit in your cooler, stupid? Think.
But on the flip-side, business has never been so good! Like I said before, we're making more money this week than any other week last year! The way you folks are spending money it makes me question the real state of our economy. Natural disasters are a grocery stores best friend. I want to take this time to thank you all personally for letting the media brainwash you into buying all sorts of shit you don't need.
You only need 2 things to survive Ms. Irene. Beer and Cigarettes. Unless you have children. Cigarettes are not meant for kids.
And fuck water.
Good luck everyone!
gII
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