Hurricane Irene: East Coast Threat or Economic Saviour?

     I find myself spending alot of time in grocery stores.  I was in one yesterday.  That would be Thursday, August 25 2011.  The place was a madhouse.  People were at the door waiting to get in at 6 in the morning so that they may be first to get their "in case of emergency" supplies.  A little crazy or perhaps very responsible.  From then on it was a non-stop barrage of frantic panicked consumers needing to get their hands on anything and everything to ensure they could survive the next 3 years cut off from society.  They would not stop coming.  By 11 am I had to ask myself what the fuck?  Am I the only one that has to work on a Thursday?  It was the busiest day I've seen since the week of Christmas .  In fact, Hurricane Irene surpassed all holiday sales I've seen to date.

     Now it's Friday.  Second wave.  God help me.  They're back.  Apparently there's a whole other part of the community that don't have to work on Friday's.  Man did I choose the wrong fucking profession.  Today it was like the world was coming to it's end.  Again, the moment the doors opened customers were overloading their carts with every perishable item they could grab... 

...and that's my "what the fuck?" moment.

     Dude.  Let's all pretend were rational human beings for a second.  A hurricane is on it's way.  

     Worst-Case Scenario:  You die.  

     Ok, that sucks and probably ain't gonna happen anyway so relax.  

     More likely scenarios are thus:

 You lose power
 Your basement gets flooded
 Windows get blown in
 Lawn furniture blows away
 Tree falls on your car (I dread that one!)
 Your newborn gets torn from your arms, hits
 the pavement face first and is sucked down a
 sewer drain in a swirling pool of blood and
 garbage never to be seen again.

     That's pretty fucked up and I apologize.

     Back to my "what the fuck?" moment.  Losing power is the most likely, if not the number 1 scenario in this situation.  So why the hell would anyone be stocking up on PERISHABLE anything?!?!  What are you going to do with the 10 pounds of deli meats you just purchased when your refrigerator don't work.  What about the 3 gallons of milk you bought?  Do you plan on playing the "Let's see who can drink a gallon of milk in an hour and not puke" game.  Don't forget the 5 bags of ice you bought.  What good is that going to do?  It's ice asshole.  It melts.  What can you possibly keep cold on 5 bags of ice for any extended period of time that will save you from death?  How much shit are you really gonna fit in your cooler, stupid?  Think. 

     But on the flip-side, business has never been so good!    Like I said before, we're making more money this week than any other week last year!  The way you folks are spending money it makes me question the real state of our economy.  Natural disasters are a grocery stores best friend.  I want to take this time to thank you all personally for letting the media brainwash you into buying all sorts of shit you don't need.  

     You only need 2 things to survive Ms. Irene.  Beer and Cigarettes.  Unless you have children.  Cigarettes are not meant for kids.  

    And fuck water.
  
     Good luck everyone!

gII   

A Confession...

     I admit it.  I have a problem.  I can't control myself.  I just feel so damn good when I'm doing it!  It's an addiction and I blame our materialistic-oriented society.  No, I blame myself.  Put a few beers in me and before you know it I'm on Amazon buying all sorts of shit I don't need, or really want (I'll explain the latter later.)

At first, I'll log on looking for a good read to expand my library.  Usually it's a Stargate Novel or some Terry Pratchett hard-cover edition from England.  One of my most recent purchases was a $30 Stargate:SG-1 board game that I just had to have, even if I don't have any friends to play it with.  I'm about to play it by myself 'cause I'm that much of a geek.

     $30.  Not bad.  Ain't gonna break the bank.  But that's where they get you.  Spend $50 and you can get "FREE SHIPPING!"  Well, fuck.  What's another $20.  So now I'm adding a couple more books to the cart.  Oh, look at this CD they recommended for me, this shit looks awesome!  Add it!  Before long I'm looking at about $200.  Still, ain't too bad...until it arrives on my doorstep.

     Once I thought I was ordering MLB: The Show (baseball video game) for the PS3.  When it finally arrived I was so excited, till I opened it up and saw it was for the PS2.  Dumb-ass.  If you don't play video games you may be saying to yourself "yeah, so?"  Understandable.  Here's another one...

     Growing up I loved the Disney movie "The Black Cauldron."  Read the book.  Always wanted to own it.  So when I saw it available on DVD on Amazon 20 some-odd years later I just had to have it!  Imagine my surprise and heart-breaking disappointment when I opened up the box from the post office to find a fucking VHS tape.  Really?  VH-fucking-S?  For $20???  Fuck me.  I later found out it's available for rental on Netflix, which I subscribe to.  Watched it.  Not as cool as I remembered it to be.  Again, I suck. 

     This last time around, as previously mentioned, I bought the Stargate:SG-1 board game in addition to 6 more Stargate novels.  And, of course, I bought 2 copies of the same book.  God Damn It!  The complications of shopping on-line whilst drinking. 

     The cool thing is when the mail comes it's like Christmas.  You get all the presents that you always wanted.  Granted, you bought them, but thanks to the glorious effects of alcohol, you forgot.  Once again, alcohol helps one make decisions an otherwise indecisive, insecure, tentative human being would never make.

Here's to being single.  And alone.

gII

European Tour 2011 - smokers

     This one is for the smokers.  Cigarette smokers.  (Sorry boys, didn't get a chance to smoke any real shit on this trip.  Put the feelers out there but nobody really trusts an American in Europe.)  Anyway.  Here in the states we're paying outrageous prices for cigarettes.  The taxes are more than the actual cost of the product.  In New York you can pay up to $12 for a pack of 20 smokes.  That's bullshit!  But I didn't really have to tell you that, did I?  The last 2 packs of butts I bought were from the "Dubbele Adelaar" in Hooglede, Belgium.  From a vending machine.  Remember those?  Now, I'm a Camel Lights smoker ( Or Camel Blue whatever-the-fuck smoker.)  They weren't available but the 24 count Pall Mall was.  For 5 euro. That's around 7.50 U.S. dollars, on the heavy side.  Still way the fuck less than anything you can purchase in New York, plus 4 more smokes!  And!!!?  They all cost the same.  Let me clarify.  There appears to be no "state-by-state" regulation on cigarette prices.  Wherever I was in any given country the price for the same pack of butts remained the same throughout the land.  There's a government seal similiar to our state seal on each pack.  Except their seal also denotes price.  Imagine that.  Here's the price.  Pay it ...or don't.  You ain't gonna find a better deal.  Talk about regulation!  
     I guess my real gripe stems from this:  America is exploiting cigarette smokers unfairly and unjustly.  Taxes on our cigarettes rise steadily year after year.  For what?  They say it's supposed to act as a deterrent, to turn people off from smoking.  If that ain't a steaming pile of horse shit I don't know what is... other than an actual steaming pile of horse shit, I'm well aware of what that is thanks due to my neighbors.  
     The government knows smoking is an addiction.  They openly preach on it.  They also know that we, as addicts, will continue to buy tobacco regardless of cost 'cause we're fucking addicted!  So I say FUCK YOU AMERICA!  If you all agree smoking is so deadly to our health than BAN FUCKING SMOKING!  If it's killing that many people each year than why the fuck do you continue to let us smoke?  ...Oh yeah, that's right, 'cause we're paying your mother fucking bills!  You hypocritical pieces of shit!  I hope you die from lung cancer.  

hugs and kisses

gII