Crystal Light is the Iced Tea of choice in my kitchen. It comes in these ridiculously tiny packets that magically yield up to 2 quarts of refreshing goodness. More importantly (to some) it contains 0% of everything from fat, sodium, carbs, etc., (not to mention completely void of any nutritional value whatsoever.) It tastes pretty decent although personally I prefer the big ol' cans of powdered mix where I gotta drop 4 heaping scoop-fuls in the pitcher to create a sweet, enjoyable anytime drink. But this ain't about my preference.
It's about what else, or lack there of, the Crystal Light in my kitchen contains. Upon further investigation, as I scan past the Nutrition Facts and come upon the list of actual ingredients the basic, everyday, recognizable if not entirely understandable words play out. Citric Acid (provides tartness.) Maltodextrin (ok, sure.) Instant Tea...um, ok. That seems odd. Why is Instant Tea not the first ingredient on this list? Isn't the first ingredient supposed to be the most prominent? So am I drinking "Iced Tea" or fucking "Citric Acid?" Hey, don't get me wrong. If "Citric Acid" is what it is then pour me another glass, I'm a fan! Can't we just call it what it is?
Next on the list is Corn Syrup Solids"tt."
Eyebrow raised.
How many footnotes do I need to reference if we're already at double crosses? The traditional asterisk, single cross, and now double crosses??? Ok, I'll play along. Let's see what double crosses denotes...oh god, you gotta be shitting me.
tt = ADDS A TRIVIAL AMOUNT OF SUGAR
Who...what...what the FUCK is a trivial amount of sugar?!? Did I miss the memo? Since the fuck when did the F.D.A. approve "trivial" as an acceptable classification of measurement when informing consumers of what's in their consumables? Trivial? What the fuck does that even mean? Stop yourself. I looked it up just to make sure I'm not that out of touch with reality that I missed the redefinition party. Nope, trivial still means "unimportant, insignificant, trifling and /or common place." Huh. Really?
SO THEN WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT?!?
Oh, that's right. I live in America. Land of the free, home of the brave (those parts I am extremely proud of) and oh yeah, home of the country where anyone can sue anything with a better than 50/50 chance of "winning."
So, what fucking asshole sued some other dumb asshole to force my government to put this piece of legislative bullshit into action?
Or, was it some bored politician with a family full of fatties and a bone to pick?
Or, is Crystal Light at fault and did they themselves add this info in their own self-serving pomposity hoping to curry favor amongst the health conscious-lable reading sheep shoppers.
Who the fuck cares...I don't. I just needed to get this off my chest.
gII
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